Birth Story- Carter Kayde.

Ok, so i had all intentions of writing this up a lot earlier while it was all still fresh..

But turns out I have another stage 10 clinger baby, who doesn't like to sleep and is happiest in mummy's arms. So here we are 7 weeks later, mind you Carter is currently in my arms feeding haha.

Heads up, this will be long! So I had to be induced at 13 days past my due date with Walker. My whole pregnancy with Carter, my one wish was to go into labour naturally, and not be overdue.. Well not as far past my due date as i was with walker anyway. It wasn't until I reached 35ish weeks with Carter, that I really started getting anxious about giving birth again. I had just been so busy this pregnancy, that I never really gave thought to labour and birth.

My labour with Walker was not too bad, I didn't even realise I was in actual labour until I was already 8cm dilated, so that was fine. The actual giving birth experience, was not a good time.

Long story short, after an 18 hour labour, I was pushing for almost 2 hours, and ended up having to have an Episiotomy and Forceps to deliver Walker, not to mention the ridiculous amount of stitches and the Post Birth Hemorrhage.

Not a nice experience now that I look back on it. It wasn't until the time to give birth again got closer that I realised how traumatising that experience really was for me. My biggest fear was that the birth this time would be just as bad as it was with Walker. Everyone I spoke to reassured me that your body just ‘knows what its doing’ second time around, and that they were sure I would go into labour naturally and have a much easier birth this time. So I definitely held onto that hope. But as my due date got closer and closer, and nothing at all was happening.

The anxiety and fear crept back in and it was all I could think about. My thought process was that maybe if my body got things started on its own this time and I didn’t have to be induced, then maybe its true what everyone says and the whole labour and birthing process might be smoother this time. Anyway long story short.. Turns out my womb must be pretty damn comfortable, because again I was almost 2 weeks overdue before being induced. For me, it was a real kick in the guts. All I wanted was to have the experience of going in to labour naturally. I wanted the excitement of having my waters break at home, or waking up in the middle of the night with contractions.

I wanted to be able to labour in the comfort of my own home and not have the whole process be in hospital. I started getting really down, because I once again felt let down and disappointed in myself, and my body. Of course I was so grateful that I am able to fall pregnant quite easily, and that I am able to carry healthy babies full term. But I just couldn't help but feel like my body was letting us down again, because here we were 2 weeks overdue and apparently my body didn't just 'know what to do' second time around.. Anyway, Dylan and I headed in to the hospital on Tuesday, the 9th of April to start the induction process.

The midwife checked me and I was about 2cm dilated, so around 5pm I had the Cervidil Tape inserted.

The midwife said that not much would happen overnight, so to rest up and I will be taken to birthing Suite around 7am for them to try and break my waters and get labour started. Totally could not sleep at all that night.

I was soooo emotional. All I wanted was to be home with Walker (he was with his nan and pop for the night). I was so anxious, about not only what was to come but also about being away from Walker, and not knowing how long it would be until I seen him.

Around 1am I went to the toilet and the tape fell out.. Which I was told may happen, so I just headed back to bed to try and get some rest.

I had some bleeding then, which I was also told could happen.

Then pretty much straight away I started having some pains.

They slowly got more and more painful, but were still quite irregular, they were constant every 2-10 minutes, but there was no real pattern so I didn't bother telling the midwife, or waking Dylan. #yourewelcomebabe Around 730am 2 midwives came in and took us around to the birthing suite. I was so anxious, much more anxious than I was going into it with Walkers birth. The contractions had really started becoming more intense and I was having to really stop and breathe through and focus with each contraction.

I told the midwife straight away, that as soon as I can I want to get the Epidural. I definitely am not one of those mamas who wanted to try and do it without any pain relief, with both births I said from the beginning as soon as I can, give me the drugs haha.

I had an epidural with Walker, but unfortunately it only worked on one side of my body, and for the most part I could still feel everything.

But all I could think about this time was there was no way I want to get to the pushing part, and need another episiotomy and not have had an epidural, even if it wasn’t working 100%.

For me it was more a mind over matter thing. The 2 midwives were so understanding and amazing.

I made sure they knew how horrible my first birthing experience was and that my biggest fear heading in to this was having to have another episiotomy and forceps, they assured me so many times throughout the day that they would do everything they could to help me not need any of that. Anyway, the midwife gave me an internal to see where we were at. I was already 6cm dilated, which was a relief because I was up all night with these contractions, and would of hated if they weren't doing anything.

Once again, Dylan had slept through more than half of my labour haha.

I will be waking him next time ;) So the plan was, she was going to break my waters, wait for the Anesthesiologist to come around for the epidural, then hook me up to the Syntocin drip. With Walker they tried breaking my waters, but they couldn't find them (weird, I know)..

So I never got to experience the feeling of my waters breaking.

This time I got to! I was so excited I was able to experience that haha. Not long after that, the Anesthesiologist arrived and got ready to do the epidural.

Without going in to too much detail, it was a very long, unpleasant process this time. It took alot longer than it should of because he kept hitting the wrong spot.

Like seriously, how hard is it to not move a single inch while it feels like your insides are ripping apart, let alone knowing someone is behind you sticking a needle into your back, and you literally cant move or who knows what will happen..

Eventually he got it and not long after that my mum arrived.

Unfortunately again, the Epidural only worked in one side of my body. So one side was at a comfortable pain level (still not pain free) and the other side was still feeling everything. About an hour later the midwife could tell i was still experiencing alot of pain, which having had the epidural I should not of been in THAT much pain still.

That's when we realised the Anesthesiologist had not given the whole dose.

So he was called back and gave me the rest of the medicine. About 5 minutes after he done that I started getting really dizzy, and light headed, I couldn't see properly or hear and felt like I was passing out.

That lasted quite a while, the midwife said it was because how fast that dosage was given to me all at once, it caused my blood pressure to drop really low.

As this was happening, Carters heart rate started dropping as well.

I was so out of it at that time but all I remember from it was hearing his heart beat on the monitors, then it would stop for what felt like forever, then slowly pick back up, stop again, and so on. Looking back now, I'm so glad I was out of it because had I not of been, I would of been an anxious mess.

Luckily I had the cannula in already, so they were able to quickly give me fluids to help bring my blood pressure back to normal. The medicine they gave me for that makes you very drowsy and tired, all I remember is falling in and out of sleep after that for about an hour, I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.

The pain had eased up slightly, I was still in alot of pain from the contractions though, but i couldn't open my eyes. I just kept drifting off.

Honestly it was probably the best bit of sleep that I’ve had since before having Walker haha. #sleepdeprivationforever I finally came good again about an hour or so later, and was able to stay awake then. They checked me again, and i was fully dilated! Yay!

Everyone was so excited, finally time to start pushing.

But I was absolutely terrified. For me, i thought this meant here we go again, how long until the room is filled with doctors, and telling me he needs some assistance to come out. This was the stage of my birthing and labour experience I had been dreading. They told me to do a few pushes to see how I push, and what would happen. The midwives were amazing and told me the way I pushed was perfect, and kept reassuring me that I would be able to push him out on my own.

I started feeling slightly better, but deep down thought no way am I capable of doing this on my own without intervention. I still wasn't having that urge to push, so the midwife said we would wait it out another hour to let him descend down a little more, as he was there, but it would be easier if he was just that little bit further down. So they had me sit up and lean forward to see if that would help. That hour felt like forever, I remember sitting there eating ice cubes, lollies, and just waiting, hoping he would get down in a better position for me. I was also shaking uncontrollably too at this point. This happened to me with Walker as well, I got to a certain point before it was Push time, and couldn’t stop shaking.

Towards the end of that hour, I started feeling that pressure, and the urge to push. So she done another check, and he had moved down further, it was time!! Oh, I forgot to mention. The Drs came back in to check how things were going, and to see if we had started the Syntocin drip. They decided I didn't need to have the drip this time, and that my body was progressing enough on its own.

That was a win for me because it gave me a little hope, and confidence in my body that it did know what it was doing this time around..

So back to the pushing.

My contractions were coming so far apart towards the end. So between each contraction, waiting to push again, it felt like forever, it was probably close to 10 minutes between most contractions at that point. With each push, they said they can see him, he is right there but as soon as I stop pushing he goes back up... They said I just need to get him ‘around that bend’ and he will pop out.. I kept pushing with each contraction, and it felt like I was getting nowhere again. Everyone was so supportive, and told me he is so close and once hes around that little 'bend' it will be easy....

About half an hour in to it, I was told with each push/contraction Carters heart rate would drop slightly, so they had called the Drs in to watch me push and to see how Carter reacts.. At that point I almost broke down, I held it together on the outside but I was so close to losing it. I was so upset and felt like once again I was about to fail, and that all my fears and anxiety about this moment were coming true.

The same thing happened with Walker, the midwife had called the Drs in to watch me push and keep an eye on Walker, except with him it was the opposite, his heart rate increased with each push and contraction. Anyway the Dr came in, and watched a few pushes, and to my surprise she told me I was doing an amazing job, and Carter would be out in no time.

At that point I almost broke down too because I felt a sense of relief, while he wasn't out yet, and I hadn't yet done it. Being reassured and told what a great job I am doing really gave me the confidence I needed to keep going. From there, the Head midwife on duty kept popping in and out to check how we were going. I had one midwife holding a leg up, mum was holding the other. Not long after the dr left I felt like we were getting somewhere, and with one push we could finally see his head, he was right there.

I remember mum and the midwives saying how fair his hair was, so I knew he had to be pretty close to coming out if they could see the hair! With the next contraction, and a few pushes his head was out!!!

That feeling knowing I was going to do it, that he was just about out was amazing.

Now as exciting as that was, because my contractions were still so far apart, it was crazy. Knowing that his head is literally hanging out right now, but his body was still inside, not to mention the way that felt. Its hard to explain, it wasn't exactly painful, but definitely uncomfortable. The midwives had said with the next contraction, do not push! And honestly, the urge to push at that point was nearly uncontrollable. I remember being worried thinking, what if he accidentally slides back in hahah. He didn't.. And with that next contraction, they told me to breathe.. breathe him out and just like that he was out!!! I get goosebumps every time i think of that moment... I immediately started crying, the feelings, and emotions that I felt were indescribable. Finally, our baby boy was here with us!I had done it!

Carter Kayde

10/04/2019

2:19pm

8 pound 1

52cm.

I felt so much happiness, and I was so proud of myself. I DID IT! I pushed him out, with no assistance, no stitches, no tearing, nothing! The near perfect birth I never thought I would experience, I got it!! I couldn't thank Mum and Dylan enough for all their encouragement and support during the whole thing, I could not of done it without them.

And my midwives, they were absolute angels!!! Honestly, they were amazing.

They knew how anxious I was and how traumatising my first birth was for me. They done everything they could to support me, and make sure this was a much better experience for me.

They were adamant from the beginning that I could do this, and gave me the confidence I needed. They even had some good tunes playing the whole time!

We were able to go home the next morning as well, which was a relief after having to stay in hospital for 5 days with Walker, plus a Special Care Nursery stay. So while I needed a little kick start to help my body start the labour process, for the most part my body done it all on its own!

After my waters broke, it really did progress naturally. So now I do have full belief in myself and my body.

Carters birth definitely helped me heal from the horrible experience I had with Walker. My whole outlook on giving birth has changed, before this I dreaded the thought of having to give birth again, I was filled with so much fear and anxiety, and never looked at giving birth as a beautiful, empowering experience.

I felt like I had somewhat failed first time. But now I see how beautiful birth can really be, I can finally relate to people who talk about how beautiful, and empowering labour and birth really is.

xx